How to Talk to Anyone
Even when you don’t know what to say.
We all admire the successful, confident, and charismatic people who seem comfortable in any space. They’re the ones with the best jobs, the nicest spouses, the coolest friends, the biggest bank accounts and the most fashionable post codes.
Concurrently, how often have you found yourself in a communications conundrum? Any instances come to mind where you felt you were being excluded from the Big Boys’ & Girls’ Table?
Over time you’ve come to realize that you are just as clever, educated and cool as those people at the top. Then why does it feel like you’re constantly hitting your head against a glass ceiling?
Here’s the key: Genuine Connections.
Now at first glance, that seems super easy, barely an inconvenience.
Looking closer however, it’s plain that making connections isn’t all that simple — and to make genuine connections, well, the jury’s still out on that one.
So how do you achieve this? Do you look at the most popular person in your friend circle, admit that he/she is “simply a natural, oh well” — and go back to your day? How about, no.
As you must know by now, at Masterlife we simply cannot let a human concern of the mind just hang in the air. We do not rest until we have broken down the problem, analyzed it, and figured out a neat and easy-to-follow framework that can transform our lives by simply following the right habits.
Our strongest human connections are usually made with those in our personal circles. And even then, most of our friendships are made out of habit. You end up seeing them at college or work on a regular basis and then you show more of yourself. Your layers of vulnerability get peeled and you end up forming deeper connections.
What if you could accelerate those connections in both your personal and professional life?
In our course Learn to Connect with Anyone, Masterlife CEO & Founder Anirudh Narayan explains everything you need to know about making strong, meaningful relationships in all areas of your life. Right from learning about yourself, consistently making a great first impression, understanding others, body language, tone, daily habits, and more — he’s got you covered.
Here’s a tiny clip from one of his modules. Check out the rest of the course when you decide to take that leap towards levelling up your social game.
For a quick look at an additional set of tips and hacks — carry on reading.
SCENARIO CHECK
Most of us fear small talk, or are at the very least exasperated by it. Perhaps it’s at an office get-together, and you’re sitting next to a new colleague. Or you’re at a wedding, and you meet a friend of a friend of a friend. What do you say beyond the initial introductions?
How about when you’re in a high-stakes situation, such as a job interview, where you’re expected to outshine all competition?
And don’t forget those initial romantic dates. You can feel like you want to take this “relationship” to the next level. But HOW?
TIP & HACKS TO CHANGE THE GAME
Ready? Put down that coffee mug.
Okay, ready?
Here we go.
TIP #1: LISTEN
Many of us like to listen to the sound of our own voices. Or we try to fill dead air by chattering on about something we are comfortable with.
We believe that a sale is 50% made if you just let the other person speak.
Practice sitting in the silence. Not for too long of course but learn to not let silence make you anxious. Ask questions about the other person. Far better for you to listen first, talk second.
Of course, somebody has to start the conversation, but if you and your acquaintance actually listen to each other — and I mean actually LISTEN instead of thinking about what to say next, things will flow more naturally.
TIP #2: REPEAT AFTER ME
In the 1970s, American Psychologist Carl Rogers made tremendous contributions to counseling and clinical psychology by teaching therapists how best to listen, reflect the feelings of their clients, and turn these reflections into change-promoting insights.
Obviously, you’re not going to perform psychotherapy in your chats with random social companions — but his insights can make your small talk game effortless and smooth.
Rogerian communication involves using empathic reflecting skills which means that you should restate what you last heard. This will prove to your companion that you are in fact involved with the conversation, helps fill up dead air, and helps you form your response more coherently.
TIP #3: I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE
It’s important to keep reading the body language of your companion. Focus your attention on how you are feeling — and also on how the other person is probably feeling based on their non-verbal cues.
If they seem uncomfortable with where the conversation is heading, shift gears. While some people enjoy debating politics, religion, and sex, many others would rather keep things light.
Learn how to gauge the impact of what you’re saying by reading bodily cues such as posture, eye contact, and hand movements.
In fact, in Leil Lowndes’ book How to Talk to Anyone, she breaks down body language cues with specific examples to explain how to read said cues and the smartest way to respond to each of them.
If you’re not looking at reading the whole book right away, you can start with a simple 7-minute deconstruction of the book for free on the Masterlife app.
TIP #4: WHY SO JUDGY?
Whatever happened to “Don’t judge a book by its cover”?
Since we all suffer from the temptation to rush to conclusions about people based on superficial cues, we need to remember that things aren’t always what they seem to be when meeting someone for the first time.
We really need to stop jumping to conclusions and making snap judgements.
If you’ve listened carefully, reflected on what you’ve heard, and kept your nonverbal channel open, you’ll be less likely to make a mistaken judgment based on outer cues.
Keep it simple fam.
TIP #5: NO SH!T, SHERLOCK
This might sound a little creepy, but bear with me. If you know who you will be meeting beforehand — it makes sense to do a little healthy research on them.
This way, you’ll be prepared to ask relevant question. If you don’t have the opportunity, practice your behavioural profiling (yeah, I said what I said) by using the visual cues at your disposal.
Just don’t ask questions that might come across as intrusive — and you’re golden.
Be cool.
TIP #6: ASSUMPTION IS THE MOTHER OF ALL F#%K UPS
Extensive research has proven that many of us engage in “assumed similarity bias”.
Do. Not. Assume. Things.
It’s never safe to conclude that because you are opposed to a political party then, the person you’re speaking to is as well. Debates can make for enjoyable conversation, but if you assume everyone feels the same as you, it’s likely you’ll get started on the wrong foot and soon enough find it in your mouth.
These are divided times. People are extremely polarized. Watch what you say. Watch what you assume. Or maybe give up on snap assumptions altogether.
TIP #7: YOU’RE LEARNING!
We are all unique with our own sets of perspectives and experiences. Meeting someone new means you are interacting with a treasure trove of stories and fun anecdotes.
You already know pretty much everything about yourself, so spend your time wisely by learning something new.
If you approach conversations with this in mind, you can relax and let the other person paint the picture.
TIP #8: CURRENT AFFAIRS FOR THE WIN
Be aware of what’s going on around you.
You don’t need to do research on the top ten box office blockbusters but having a general idea always helps.
Cover at least 5 topic areas before heading out and you are sorted. You will be able to hold a conversation with pretty much anyone. Anyone.
TIP #9: KNOW WHEN TO SHUT THE HECK UP
You might think it’s great to while away the boring hours on a long airplane ride by conversing with your neighbour. However, if you’re getting cues from that passenger to the contrary, then take the hint that your silence would be considered golden.
If you find yourself constantly doing this wherever you go (and getting negative feedback), refer to Tip #1 and practice getting comfortable with silence.
Carry a book or a well-stocked playlist in your phone to ensure that you don’t get bored.
TIP #10: NOBODY ASKED YOU, HOMIE
Oversharing is probably worse than being a shy communicator. Nobody wants to hear about that ingrown nail on your right toe.
Oversharing can make you the bore of any conversation, make other people uncomfortable, make you look bad.
So, before you speak, Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How would you feel if you heard someone you hardly know tell you about their love affairs, medical condition, or family disputes?
Weird right?
So, don’t do it yourself.
Meeting new people and having to make small talk isn’t everyone’s favourite pastime, but it is something that you will continue to find yourself faced with when trying ti break the aforementioned glass ceiling.
If you follow these simple tips, you might find yourself getting better at it and who knows, maybe even enjoying it.
The benefits you reap will be astounding.
All the best!
And remember, for more detailed structures, frameworks, help with daily plans — Masterlife is just a click away.
