What We Really Want in Life

The thin line that separates means from ends.

Arjuna was ready to fight. He had prepared for 13 long years to avenge the insult that he and his family had faced in the game of dice at Duryodhana’s hands. In fact, he even told Lord Krishna to take the chariot to the middle of the battlefield so that they could survey the enemy ranks.

However, when he saw his grandfather and his teacher, he had an emotional breakdown. He realized that he could not bring himself to pick up his bow and arrow to fight.

“ We have undertaken to commit a great sin!” said Arjuna. “For the sake of greed and for the pleasure of kingdom, we are prepared to kill.”

We can look at Arjuna’s statement from a different standpoint as well. With growing responsibilities comes the need for financial success. To succeed financially, we need to put in our best. In most cases, the best also includes long hours at work. We lose our way, and instead of work and money staying as the means, they become the ends themselves. The result is that the people we are ultimately working so hard to support become the ones who bear the brunt.

THE STORY

Dr. Sameer and I have been friends for over three decades despite a 20-year age gap between us. Our friendship started when I had to undergo a minor surgical procedure. Dr. Sameer is a renowned general surgeon who specializes in gastrointestinal surgery. A dinner with him always leaves me thinking about life.

One evening over dinner, he was narrating an incident that had surprised him. He had a patient, a young man in his mid-thirties with a defect in his food-pipe. The defect caused him severe backache. After a series of tests, wrapping a portion of his stomach around his food pipe was the procedure decided upon to fix the problem.

The patient was a successful businessman, well known socially. He got admitted two days before the surgery. He was busy all the time on his cell phone, and his poor wife would wait for him to complete his calls so that she could talk to him. She was upset with him as he was admit in the hospital, and instead of focusing on the planned procedure, he was more worried about his business. Even during pre-surgery preparations, he would throw around the names of influential people and the need for a quick recovery as he had to get back to business. Dr. Sameer found that he envied this young man’s commitment to his business.

They started the Laparoscopic procedure. However, there were setbacks during the procedure, and they ended up doing open surgery. The patient was shifted post-surgery to the ICU for recovery as a precaution. Dr. Sameer waited by his bed, wanting to be there when he regained consciousness to reassure him that all was well.

When he regained consciousness, he asked why he was in the ICU and if he had cancer. Dr. Sameer explained to him that they had to do open surgery and because of the setbacks during the procedure, they were playing it safe. The next thing that happened was a big surprise.

He asked if his wife could get permission to sit by his side in the ICU. She was the person he had been ignoring the last two days, and here he wanted her to be by his side.

Dr. Sameer said that he could allow her to visit him for 10 minutes every hour even though it was not a part of the rules. Curious to know what the couple would do, he asked the nurses to keep an eye on them and give him updates.

When the doctor went for rounds the next day, he found the patient just holding his wife’s hand, not exchanging a word. On checking with the nurse, she informed him that the young man would say thank you to her and hold her hand every time the wife came to visit. Over the next two weeks, he got better and got discharged.

REFLECTION

He came back for his scheduled checkup after a month. He thanked his doctor for the surgery. He also said that the 24 hours in the ICU changed his life. He said that he was working hard to provide for his wife and kids and that he wanted to make their lives comfortable. To this end, he had earned a lot of money, name, and fame.

However, when he was in the ICU, he realized that he was only a bed number — and the only one by his side was his wife, and the ones that mattered to him he had ignored.

Now he spends more time with his wife and children. He got emotional, hugged his doctor, said thank you, and left.

PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS

Life is both unkind and unforgiving. Very few people get opportunities to fix mistakes like the young man in the story.

It would be naïve and foolhardy of us to not have a plan for life. An intelligent way to make life complete is to make the family also a part of the program of material and financial success.

We need to commit to understanding the family’s physical and emotional needs while trying to excel in our professional lives. So the next time you need to make a decision remember the young man’s wife. Maybe it will influence your choice for the better.

A happy choice that you will never regret.

Ajay Ushakanth is a guest writer here on the Masterlife blog and is also a Masterlife Expert.

A former businessman who teaches the Vedas to budding entrepreneurs in Bengaluru, out of a co-working hub, Ajay has become an unlikely member of the rapidly-burgeoning gig economy.

He now imparts his learnings to others and has helped people across all spheres of life and work.

You can access all modules of his course: Become More Spiritual on the Masterlife app.